Keys
There’s so many, I forget what they’re for
House key—protects us; the people I love
Car key—a sense of freedom
Business key—represents trust, responsibility
Diary key—secrets kept untold, hidden inside
Key to my heart—hopeful, caring, full of love;
Yet patient, particular, afraid of hurting
Keys—locks, unlocks; opens, closes
But be careful; don’t lose your keys
Wouldn’t want them getting into the wrong hands
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Never wanted to hurt you
Earlier our little girl rode her tricycle as I walked beside her down the street
We walked by the park
The park we used to love taking long walks on together at night time,
No one else was around so could just be the two of us
The one that holds so many great memories,
But also carries the memory of the scariest day of my life
I haven’t been back to the park since that day
She asked me if we could play but I said no,
I never wanted back in there again
She began to whine and beg
I looked away; thoughts of that day filled my mind
I thought of you, and how I could have lost her
She is so wonderful; I hope you regret not being here
Holding in my tears I gave my little girl a hug
Told her we’d stay to play for just a little while
She was wondering why I was crying,
I told her how much I love her and how special she is,
And that I’m so lucky to have her
When she smiles she reminds me of you and the good times we shared together
I watched her play, and thought about things I haven’t in a long time
I want to make sure you know, I’m sorry
I didn’t mean it, this wasn’t supposed to happen
I was only trying to stop you, trying to protect myself and our baby
I never wanted to hurt you
But I was pregnant; hurting me was hurting her too
Young love, so naive
What was once my fairytale became my biggest nightmare
I carried so much hope until the very end
Kept telling myself one day you’d change
Wanted that man I fell in love with, the man I thought you were
You never wanted her; could have just left us
Instead you’d rather make me suffer,
Hurting me is one thing, but I had to put my daughter first
No one’s at fault for the pregnancy,
You didn’t want a baby because this was so soon after we got married
You thought the baby was a mistake, she was a blessing but you missed out
You were in a good mood that night, well you were pretending
You never wanted her, now I see you only tricked me into believing you ever did
That night we went for a late night walk in the park like we always loved to do
Me, you, and our baby inside my tummy walking along the trail
We were having a good time
We came across the creek and stopped at the bridge
We looked into the water and listened to the frogs croaking
Your cell phone rang and interrupted
Said it was a business call, and walked away
I didn’t believe you; plus it was too late at night
I knew if I said anything you would start hitting me
I heard you laughing and the way you were talking,
Right then I became aware of what was going on
Your “business call” was taking forever
I knew she was really your girlfriend
And all sense of hope for our future together suddenly vanished
Finally you got off the phone and came over
I asked you about your new girl, and you started hitting me
I tried running away,
But you continued punching me in the face until I fell to the ground
You turned away and sat on the edge staring down at the water,
Watching it flow like we always used to do together
I was beat up and worried about the baby, and you hurting me again
I knew I had to get away, but wasn’t sure if I was strong enough
I remember lifting my head and seeing a cinder brick just a few feet away
This was my only chance, there was no other choice
I stood up as quietly as I could, and walked a few steps over
Sitting there you called the girl again and started talking
It really startled me; I’m surprised I didn’t make any noise
I was so beat up, and was really tired
I could hear dirt crunching beneath my shoes,
I was right behind you; you finally heard me and turned around
I caught a glance of your face; you wanted to tear me to shreds
The brick was already above you, I hit it over your head
You began to tumble over the edge of the bridge
Falling into the water
I didn’t know if you were conscious or not
But I knew I had to get out, and didn’t want to risk getting hurt again
I ran out of park and as fast as I could and when I found a phone I called 911
It turns out the brick had knocked you unconscious, and you drowned
I didn’t get into trouble, it was self defense
I wanted to make sure you know I’m sorry and I never meant for this to happen
I watched my little girl play in the park today
I was glad she brought me back
To see her playing, laughing and smiling
Makes me feel so happy and it makes me think, and realize so many things
But this wasn’t my fault, nothing ever was
It’s all your fault; you’re the one to blame
And you’re not here to make me feel guilty
I did the right thing, and put my little girl first
We walked by the park
The park we used to love taking long walks on together at night time,
No one else was around so could just be the two of us
The one that holds so many great memories,
But also carries the memory of the scariest day of my life
I haven’t been back to the park since that day
She asked me if we could play but I said no,
I never wanted back in there again
She began to whine and beg
I looked away; thoughts of that day filled my mind
I thought of you, and how I could have lost her
She is so wonderful; I hope you regret not being here
Holding in my tears I gave my little girl a hug
Told her we’d stay to play for just a little while
She was wondering why I was crying,
I told her how much I love her and how special she is,
And that I’m so lucky to have her
When she smiles she reminds me of you and the good times we shared together
I watched her play, and thought about things I haven’t in a long time
I want to make sure you know, I’m sorry
I didn’t mean it, this wasn’t supposed to happen
I was only trying to stop you, trying to protect myself and our baby
I never wanted to hurt you
But I was pregnant; hurting me was hurting her too
Young love, so naive
What was once my fairytale became my biggest nightmare
I carried so much hope until the very end
Kept telling myself one day you’d change
Wanted that man I fell in love with, the man I thought you were
You never wanted her; could have just left us
Instead you’d rather make me suffer,
Hurting me is one thing, but I had to put my daughter first
No one’s at fault for the pregnancy,
You didn’t want a baby because this was so soon after we got married
You thought the baby was a mistake, she was a blessing but you missed out
You were in a good mood that night, well you were pretending
You never wanted her, now I see you only tricked me into believing you ever did
That night we went for a late night walk in the park like we always loved to do
Me, you, and our baby inside my tummy walking along the trail
We were having a good time
We came across the creek and stopped at the bridge
We looked into the water and listened to the frogs croaking
Your cell phone rang and interrupted
Said it was a business call, and walked away
I didn’t believe you; plus it was too late at night
I knew if I said anything you would start hitting me
I heard you laughing and the way you were talking,
Right then I became aware of what was going on
Your “business call” was taking forever
I knew she was really your girlfriend
And all sense of hope for our future together suddenly vanished
Finally you got off the phone and came over
I asked you about your new girl, and you started hitting me
I tried running away,
But you continued punching me in the face until I fell to the ground
You turned away and sat on the edge staring down at the water,
Watching it flow like we always used to do together
I was beat up and worried about the baby, and you hurting me again
I knew I had to get away, but wasn’t sure if I was strong enough
I remember lifting my head and seeing a cinder brick just a few feet away
This was my only chance, there was no other choice
I stood up as quietly as I could, and walked a few steps over
Sitting there you called the girl again and started talking
It really startled me; I’m surprised I didn’t make any noise
I was so beat up, and was really tired
I could hear dirt crunching beneath my shoes,
I was right behind you; you finally heard me and turned around
I caught a glance of your face; you wanted to tear me to shreds
The brick was already above you, I hit it over your head
You began to tumble over the edge of the bridge
Falling into the water
I didn’t know if you were conscious or not
But I knew I had to get out, and didn’t want to risk getting hurt again
I ran out of park and as fast as I could and when I found a phone I called 911
It turns out the brick had knocked you unconscious, and you drowned
I didn’t get into trouble, it was self defense
I wanted to make sure you know I’m sorry and I never meant for this to happen
I watched my little girl play in the park today
I was glad she brought me back
To see her playing, laughing and smiling
Makes me feel so happy and it makes me think, and realize so many things
But this wasn’t my fault, nothing ever was
It’s all your fault; you’re the one to blame
And you’re not here to make me feel guilty
I did the right thing, and put my little girl first
Monday, March 29, 2010
“That summer I was 11”
Summer Poem
Swimming every day,
Out in the pond; in the hot summer sun.
Me and my best friend,
My brothers and sisters too.
Mom watches us, till Dad’s home from work.
He takes over; we can finally take our life jackets off.
Mom goes by the house to cook hamburgers on the grill
Locks little kids in the gate with their baby pool.
All having fits; they wanna swim with the big kids.
Competitions for who could jump the furthest,
And the biggest splash; Dad being the judge.
So much fun.
Me and my best friend grab hands, jump off the dock together.
Climb up the ladder; run and jump off one after another this time.
Backwards jump, twirl, cannon ball.
Swim to the middle with boogie boards,
See who can stand on theirs longest.
Then we’d attempt swimming to the bottom, bringing up muck as proof.
Time to dry off; go in the gate with the other kids,
Swing on the swings for a few minutes; then come in for dinner.
What fun days; that summer I was 11
Swimming every day,
Out in the pond; in the hot summer sun.
Me and my best friend,
My brothers and sisters too.
Mom watches us, till Dad’s home from work.
He takes over; we can finally take our life jackets off.
Mom goes by the house to cook hamburgers on the grill
Locks little kids in the gate with their baby pool.
All having fits; they wanna swim with the big kids.
Competitions for who could jump the furthest,
And the biggest splash; Dad being the judge.
So much fun.
Me and my best friend grab hands, jump off the dock together.
Climb up the ladder; run and jump off one after another this time.
Backwards jump, twirl, cannon ball.
Swim to the middle with boogie boards,
See who can stand on theirs longest.
Then we’d attempt swimming to the bottom, bringing up muck as proof.
Time to dry off; go in the gate with the other kids,
Swing on the swings for a few minutes; then come in for dinner.
What fun days; that summer I was 11
"Blah, Blah, Blah!"
Tension Poem
Younger sibling into trouble.
Mom’s screaming, over reacting.
Grounded forever, everything’s taken away.
None of my business, right?
Wrong—it is my business.
Well, I make it mine.
Mom has her favorites, it’s quite obvious.
I can’t just sit back, say nothing,
Act like it doesn’t bother me.
I see wrong, have to do what feels right.
Mom hates that I do this,
Put myself right in the middle,
Dropping a bomb,
Creating an even bigger dispute.
Anxiety builds up, frustration focused on me now.
Screams at the top of her lungs,
Apparently my opinion wasn’t asked,
I complicated the situation,
Blamed for excess commotion.
In attempt to explain my feelings
She doesn’t make an effort to listen.
All I hear is blah, blah, blah!
Goes on and on agitating me,
Until she digs deep enough
Under my skin.
Younger sibling into trouble.
Mom’s screaming, over reacting.
Grounded forever, everything’s taken away.
None of my business, right?
Wrong—it is my business.
Well, I make it mine.
Mom has her favorites, it’s quite obvious.
I can’t just sit back, say nothing,
Act like it doesn’t bother me.
I see wrong, have to do what feels right.
Mom hates that I do this,
Put myself right in the middle,
Dropping a bomb,
Creating an even bigger dispute.
Anxiety builds up, frustration focused on me now.
Screams at the top of her lungs,
Apparently my opinion wasn’t asked,
I complicated the situation,
Blamed for excess commotion.
In attempt to explain my feelings
She doesn’t make an effort to listen.
All I hear is blah, blah, blah!
Goes on and on agitating me,
Until she digs deep enough
Under my skin.
"I didn't mean it"
Confessions Poem
Upset. Angry. Scared. Hurt.
An abundance of feelings bottled up inside.
So full, the bottle was ready to burst.
My body could no longer hold in all of the unexpressed emotions.
Then the words overflowed,
Spilled from my mouth,
“I hate you.”
Unable to face your expression,
I looked away, hid from everything.
But unexpectedly crisis awakened me.
We’ve been separated
Can’t see you. Can’t talk to you.
My entire body aches, memories of my words and actions replay in my head.
Can’t wait much longer though.
To give you a hug&tell you
I miss you,
I don’t hate you,
I love you.
Upset. Angry. Scared. Hurt.
An abundance of feelings bottled up inside.
So full, the bottle was ready to burst.
My body could no longer hold in all of the unexpressed emotions.
Then the words overflowed,
Spilled from my mouth,
“I hate you.”
Unable to face your expression,
I looked away, hid from everything.
But unexpectedly crisis awakened me.
We’ve been separated
Can’t see you. Can’t talk to you.
My entire body aches, memories of my words and actions replay in my head.
Can’t wait much longer though.
To give you a hug&tell you
I miss you,
I don’t hate you,
I love you.
My Great Revenge
What I Would Do Poem
If you don’t wanna be here for me anymore, then fine.
Do what you want.
And see if I care.
Go ahead, I dare you.
It won’t bother me a bit.
But oh are you going to rue this day.
As I am planning my revenge to its finest…
I would start off by sneaking into your room.
I would text your boyfriend, breaking up with him. I would lie and say you never even liked him and were only using him to get back at your ex.
Then I would go onto your computer, and change your myspace password to something you’d never guess.
Oh, but first I would change your layout to something totally embarrassing, how does Barney sound?
And I would take off your Justin Bieber music and change it to Barney’s theme song. Perfect.
And I would take a hammer out of Dad’s barn and smash your cell phone into a thousand pieces. You really should thank me, I mean I am giving your fingers a break and preventing arthritis.
Next I would break your hair straightener in half, and hide mine. Guess you’ll have to go to school looking like crap.
Once you’ve fallen asleep I would go into your backpack and rip every single homework assignment into itty bitty pieces, so tiny it’d be impossible to put back together. I’m sorry so much of your time has now gone to waste.
And I would throw all of your clothes into the dryer and shrink them a little bit each time after wash so you think you’re gaining weight.
When you’re not home, I’d unlock your bedroom door and let all the little kids into your room to tear apart. Your room will be trashed: bed unmade, clothes out of the drawers, everything just everywhere.
When you want a ride somewhere, I’d refuse. And if mom makes me, then I would embarrass you so bad that you’d wish you had just cancelled your plans.
I would wake you up for school in the morning super extra early and would tell you you’re running late.
I would tell you what to do all the time, even more than usual; bossing you around as if I’m your mother. I could care less if you listen, what matters is I’m aggravating you.
I would go outside late at night and tap on your bedroom window so you’d think someone was coming to get you. Then I’d come running in the house laughing so hard you could hear and know it was me.
And I would encourage Mom to stop buying junk food that you love so much.
So instead of having Oreos for snack, you can pack some carrot sticks.
When I’m supposed to babysit, I’d say I need your help. That way you can’t go out and hang with your friends.
I would go in your bedroom and watch TV, talk, and whatever else bothers and annoys you so that you can’t get your homework done.
I would make sure you don’t get your perfect 4.0 GPA.
If you don’t wanna be here for me anymore, then fine.
Do what you want.
And see if I care.
Go ahead, I dare you.
It won’t bother me a bit.
But oh are you going to rue this day.
As I am planning my revenge to its finest…
I would start off by sneaking into your room.
I would text your boyfriend, breaking up with him. I would lie and say you never even liked him and were only using him to get back at your ex.
Then I would go onto your computer, and change your myspace password to something you’d never guess.
Oh, but first I would change your layout to something totally embarrassing, how does Barney sound?
And I would take off your Justin Bieber music and change it to Barney’s theme song. Perfect.
And I would take a hammer out of Dad’s barn and smash your cell phone into a thousand pieces. You really should thank me, I mean I am giving your fingers a break and preventing arthritis.
Next I would break your hair straightener in half, and hide mine. Guess you’ll have to go to school looking like crap.
Once you’ve fallen asleep I would go into your backpack and rip every single homework assignment into itty bitty pieces, so tiny it’d be impossible to put back together. I’m sorry so much of your time has now gone to waste.
And I would throw all of your clothes into the dryer and shrink them a little bit each time after wash so you think you’re gaining weight.
When you’re not home, I’d unlock your bedroom door and let all the little kids into your room to tear apart. Your room will be trashed: bed unmade, clothes out of the drawers, everything just everywhere.
When you want a ride somewhere, I’d refuse. And if mom makes me, then I would embarrass you so bad that you’d wish you had just cancelled your plans.
I would wake you up for school in the morning super extra early and would tell you you’re running late.
I would tell you what to do all the time, even more than usual; bossing you around as if I’m your mother. I could care less if you listen, what matters is I’m aggravating you.
I would go outside late at night and tap on your bedroom window so you’d think someone was coming to get you. Then I’d come running in the house laughing so hard you could hear and know it was me.
And I would encourage Mom to stop buying junk food that you love so much.
So instead of having Oreos for snack, you can pack some carrot sticks.
When I’m supposed to babysit, I’d say I need your help. That way you can’t go out and hang with your friends.
I would go in your bedroom and watch TV, talk, and whatever else bothers and annoys you so that you can’t get your homework done.
I would make sure you don’t get your perfect 4.0 GPA.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
My Life Today
Today is March 25, 2010. My life seems changes pretty frequently, that's just how it works. Many times when things seem to be improving, that doens't seem to last very long at all;the good turning the opposite way. But life is a roller coaster, full of excitment. There's some fear involved too, but it is overcomed when you go upside down on that roller coaster and are relieved that it's over.
No matter how bad things may seem, there are always good things to look at in your life. At home, things aren't perfect. Trust me. Wow, what an understatement. Things are so far from being considered perfect, it's hard for me to even explain in words. But I have a family that I love more than anything, my siblings mean the world to me. A lot of days at some point I end up in a down mood, but my little brother or baby sister can make me feel better. By simply giving me a hug around my legs, or running up to me when I get home, it just brightens up my day. Yesterday I wasn't having a very good day. I walked through the room and my little brother randomly says "I love you Christina," for no reason at all. I guess he could just tell I was havinga bad day, how sweet is that. :)
No matter how bad things may seem, there are always good things to look at in your life. At home, things aren't perfect. Trust me. Wow, what an understatement. Things are so far from being considered perfect, it's hard for me to even explain in words. But I have a family that I love more than anything, my siblings mean the world to me. A lot of days at some point I end up in a down mood, but my little brother or baby sister can make me feel better. By simply giving me a hug around my legs, or running up to me when I get home, it just brightens up my day. Yesterday I wasn't having a very good day. I walked through the room and my little brother randomly says "I love you Christina," for no reason at all. I guess he could just tell I was havinga bad day, how sweet is that. :)
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Life's No Fairytale, Picture Poem
Life's No Fairytale
Once upon a time, I was happy
The smiles, the laughs, were all so real
Laughing together, those smiles seemed so everlasting
We were together
Never imagined anything else
Once upon a time, I was scared
Terrified of everything
Of what might happen next, aware that anything could happen at any moment
I tried to help, but couldn’t hold on
I wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t big enough, I’m sorry
Frightened both inside and out
I don’t know what to do
Once upon a time, I was hopeless
Anger was the only feeling flowing through my mind
Nothing is right anymore
Everything is wrong
Everything is messed up
There’s no going back
Nothing will ever be okay
Don’t tell me it will, you don’t know
Once upon a time, I feel broken
You are gone, for now anyways
They came and took you away
I didn’t even get to say goodbye
It feels like you’re gone forever
No one knows when you’ll be back
I know how much you miss me, you think about me all the time
After everything all I ask them for is a hug, but they say no
Once upon a time, I felt helpless
Nothing I do seems to matter anymore
My words are only whispers in the wind
Having no meaning to anyone
No one will listen, no one seems to care
But I continue to cry,
Hoping someone will reach out
Once upon a time, I was happy
The smiles, the laughs, were all so real
Laughing together, those smiles seemed so everlasting
We were together
Never imagined anything else
Once upon a time, I was scared
Terrified of everything
Of what might happen next, aware that anything could happen at any moment
I tried to help, but couldn’t hold on
I wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t big enough, I’m sorry
Frightened both inside and out
I don’t know what to do
Once upon a time, I was hopeless
Anger was the only feeling flowing through my mind
Nothing is right anymore
Everything is wrong
Everything is messed up
There’s no going back
Nothing will ever be okay
Don’t tell me it will, you don’t know
Once upon a time, I feel broken
You are gone, for now anyways
They came and took you away
I didn’t even get to say goodbye
It feels like you’re gone forever
No one knows when you’ll be back
I know how much you miss me, you think about me all the time
After everything all I ask them for is a hug, but they say no
Once upon a time, I felt helpless
Nothing I do seems to matter anymore
My words are only whispers in the wind
Having no meaning to anyone
No one will listen, no one seems to care
But I continue to cry,
Hoping someone will reach out
Monday, March 1, 2010
1O Things I've Realized
I’ve come to realize…
I’ve come to realize you should always just be
yourself. No one should be afraid or ashamed.
I’d rather people hate the real me than
love a fake. I’ve come to realize you should
be careful what you say and shouldn’t say
things you don’t mean. If they come out on
accident they will never be forgotten
especially if it was said to the people you love.
Just say sorry. I’ve come to realize anything
can happen at any given moment. Never
leave loved ones with hurtful words. Those
words could be the last you never know when
you might see them again. I’ve come to
realize happiness should be your overall
goal in life. Don’t make choices that will
make you dread getting out of bed every
morning. I’ve come to realize that if you love
someone you will never leave them behind
or give up on them. I’ve come to realize
there’s not much point in having regrets,
instead try and make the best out of things.
Life should be lived to its fullest. Make your
own choices and live the life you’ve always
wanted. Don’t let anyone else live it for
you. I’ve come to realize sometimes it’s better
to follow your heart rather than your head.
Do what’s right; books and rules are not
always correct. I’ve come to realize there’s no
such thing as a bad person. Maybe it’s the
bad memories and things that happen in
someone’s life that create that bad inside and
sometimes the bad is so powerful it covers up
the good. I know every single person is
amazing and capable of doing anything they
set their mind to. Follow your dreams and
let them become reality. I’ve come to
realize that “hate” is a very powerful word
maybe even the strongest of all. Usually when
someone says the words “I hate you” they
don’t mean it, I’ve done it myself. I hate no
one. I’ve come to realize that life isn’t fair.
I don’t believe everything happens for a
reason. Bad things have happened and I can’t
find a why behind it. Remember to move on
from the past but never forget, and there’s no
such thing as a mistake, just a challenge.
I’ve come to realize you should always just be
yourself. No one should be afraid or ashamed.
I’d rather people hate the real me than
love a fake. I’ve come to realize you should
be careful what you say and shouldn’t say
things you don’t mean. If they come out on
accident they will never be forgotten
especially if it was said to the people you love.
Just say sorry. I’ve come to realize anything
can happen at any given moment. Never
leave loved ones with hurtful words. Those
words could be the last you never know when
you might see them again. I’ve come to
realize happiness should be your overall
goal in life. Don’t make choices that will
make you dread getting out of bed every
morning. I’ve come to realize that if you love
someone you will never leave them behind
or give up on them. I’ve come to realize
there’s not much point in having regrets,
instead try and make the best out of things.
Life should be lived to its fullest. Make your
own choices and live the life you’ve always
wanted. Don’t let anyone else live it for
you. I’ve come to realize sometimes it’s better
to follow your heart rather than your head.
Do what’s right; books and rules are not
always correct. I’ve come to realize there’s no
such thing as a bad person. Maybe it’s the
bad memories and things that happen in
someone’s life that create that bad inside and
sometimes the bad is so powerful it covers up
the good. I know every single person is
amazing and capable of doing anything they
set their mind to. Follow your dreams and
let them become reality. I’ve come to
realize that “hate” is a very powerful word
maybe even the strongest of all. Usually when
someone says the words “I hate you” they
don’t mean it, I’ve done it myself. I hate no
one. I’ve come to realize that life isn’t fair.
I don’t believe everything happens for a
reason. Bad things have happened and I can’t
find a why behind it. Remember to move on
from the past but never forget, and there’s no
such thing as a mistake, just a challenge.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
You don't know my name
In reality my name is Christina.
Back in the day my name was full of smiles.
Then suddenly it changed to everything's wrong.
Yesterday my name was giving up.
My name was once feeling guilty.
Today my name is hopeful.
Maybe tomorrow my name will be happy.
Inside my name is always worried.
Secretly my name is simply scared.
In my dream my name was everything's right.
Hopefully in the future my name will be loving life.
Back in the day my name was full of smiles.
Then suddenly it changed to everything's wrong.
Yesterday my name was giving up.
My name was once feeling guilty.
Today my name is hopeful.
Maybe tomorrow my name will be happy.
Inside my name is always worried.
Secretly my name is simply scared.
In my dream my name was everything's right.
Hopefully in the future my name will be loving life.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Just call me Christina.
My name is actually Christina Tucker. I was given this name when I was born.
My mom used to call me her special girl.
To the past my name is the quiet and shy one.
At home I’m now known as the dramatic one.
At school I am the chatty one.
To my math teacher my name is Christina Talker.
To my little sister, I am the nice one, to everybody.
To my dad my name is my sisters’ name.
To my baby sister my name is sometimes mom.
Nowadays my name is the bipolar one. Happy or sad, my mood changes each day.
In my dreams they call me the happy girl. I’m always smiling.
Secretely I'm not quite sure what my name really is,
And in the future who knows what I might go by.
But for now just call me Christina.
My mom used to call me her special girl.
To the past my name is the quiet and shy one.
At home I’m now known as the dramatic one.
At school I am the chatty one.
To my math teacher my name is Christina Talker.
To my little sister, I am the nice one, to everybody.
To my dad my name is my sisters’ name.
To my baby sister my name is sometimes mom.
Nowadays my name is the bipolar one. Happy or sad, my mood changes each day.
In my dreams they call me the happy girl. I’m always smiling.
Secretely I'm not quite sure what my name really is,
And in the future who knows what I might go by.
But for now just call me Christina.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thoughts from image #1
Looking back at the past, thinking of so many memories. So many good and happy things have happened throughout my life. When I look back and think about things, for some reason I think of sad things;the things that made me cry, made me unhappy. Seems as if the sad things in life, even if there's few, can just overpower all the great things that happen to you. You have to move on though, but you also have to learn from your past. Never forget what has happened in your past, and every once in a while it's not a bad idea to look back into your past. :)
Thoughts from image #3
This is scary
I dont like this
What is going on?
Does she know?
No one knows, we can't ask her
She won't speak
Looks like something is taking over her body
I don't like the sight of this
It scares me
Her body is lifted into the darkness
Her body is pushed back down onto the bed by the wind
And a bright light shines down on her
She is gone
We're left with nothing more than her body
Along with the memories
I dont like this
What is going on?
Does she know?
No one knows, we can't ask her
She won't speak
Looks like something is taking over her body
I don't like the sight of this
It scares me
Her body is lifted into the darkness
Her body is pushed back down onto the bed by the wind
And a bright light shines down on her
She is gone
We're left with nothing more than her body
Along with the memories
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I remember...
I remember having two sisters and one brother.
I remember when my sister ran into the corner of a wall really hard, it left a mark on her cheek that looks like a dimple.
I remember having birthday parties when I was younger.
I remember playing dolls with my best friend.
I remember when my best friends dog had puppies, we played house with them instead and we'd put them in baskets and strollers.
I remember my sharing a room with my little sister, I always got blamed for her mess.
I remember when we were having the addition put onto our house. It was all just like one big room, me and my brother and sister were running around in it, just having fun and laughing.
My parents did foster care for 10years of my life. I remember a few sets of kids specifically that were really hard to let go of. Basically my whole life kids were coming and leaving my house, it was a pretty hard thing to deal with. You love someone and get really close to them, they were like my siblings. But then they'd have to leave and go back to their biological families. My family did foster care seeking to adopt, after 10years our family is finally complete. It's really big, I have a lot of siblings. We first adopted my brother, and then we adopted a sib group of five kids. I have two biological sisters, so I have eight siblings.
I remember being happy.
I remember thinking everything was finally coming together.
I remember crying, being worried and scared for them.
I remember never knowing what's going to happen next.
I remember the last time I saw my grandma before she passed away. She had cancer.
I remember the day when my grandma died. I remember where I was when my mom called wanting to talk to my dad. I asked her if grandma was okay and she told me yea but I knew she just didn't want to tell me the truth over the phone.
And I remember crying all night long, just missing my grandma.
I remember always being so worried about people I care about, that are having problems.
I remember not being able to get people off my mind. Just trying to figure them out, trying to understand them even just a little bit.
I remember when my sister ran into the corner of a wall really hard, it left a mark on her cheek that looks like a dimple.
I remember having birthday parties when I was younger.
I remember playing dolls with my best friend.
I remember when my best friends dog had puppies, we played house with them instead and we'd put them in baskets and strollers.
I remember my sharing a room with my little sister, I always got blamed for her mess.
I remember when we were having the addition put onto our house. It was all just like one big room, me and my brother and sister were running around in it, just having fun and laughing.
My parents did foster care for 10years of my life. I remember a few sets of kids specifically that were really hard to let go of. Basically my whole life kids were coming and leaving my house, it was a pretty hard thing to deal with. You love someone and get really close to them, they were like my siblings. But then they'd have to leave and go back to their biological families. My family did foster care seeking to adopt, after 10years our family is finally complete. It's really big, I have a lot of siblings. We first adopted my brother, and then we adopted a sib group of five kids. I have two biological sisters, so I have eight siblings.
I remember being happy.
I remember thinking everything was finally coming together.
I remember crying, being worried and scared for them.
I remember never knowing what's going to happen next.
I remember the last time I saw my grandma before she passed away. She had cancer.
I remember the day when my grandma died. I remember where I was when my mom called wanting to talk to my dad. I asked her if grandma was okay and she told me yea but I knew she just didn't want to tell me the truth over the phone.
And I remember crying all night long, just missing my grandma.
I remember always being so worried about people I care about, that are having problems.
I remember not being able to get people off my mind. Just trying to figure them out, trying to understand them even just a little bit.
Leaving
When someone leaves, it sometimes feels as if you've lost them. You are very close to that person, you love them, and they mean a lot to you. Even if you know where they're at, you probably don't know what it's like and how they are being treated. Do they feel like an outsider? Do they just want to come home? You don't know. You don't know how they're feeling and you wonder what thoughts are going through their mind.
All you know is when they're gone, all you want is for them to come home. You know that this is what needs to happen eventually. Nothing feels right when they're gone; everything's just wrong. You aren't happy, and neither are they. Imagine someone you're used to seeing every day, imagine not being able to see them for a few months, and not knowing how much longer it will be until you can see them again.The worst part is that they are not able to come home right now. The thing is that when they're home things just never work out, and when they're gone nothing is quite right either.
When they're away, they are constantly on your mind, you're always worrying about them. You can't really tell how they are feeling about the situation; they act as if they aren't bothered by what's going on, but you know that deep down inside they do care. They hide their true feelings, while you're worried and scared for them.
Leaving is a hard thing to deal with, especially when coming back home isn't as simple as it sounds, and you have to work through a lot of things before it can happen. When someone you really care about leaves, it sometimes feels as if you've lost them, maybe even forever.
All you know is when they're gone, all you want is for them to come home. You know that this is what needs to happen eventually. Nothing feels right when they're gone; everything's just wrong. You aren't happy, and neither are they. Imagine someone you're used to seeing every day, imagine not being able to see them for a few months, and not knowing how much longer it will be until you can see them again.The worst part is that they are not able to come home right now. The thing is that when they're home things just never work out, and when they're gone nothing is quite right either.
When they're away, they are constantly on your mind, you're always worrying about them. You can't really tell how they are feeling about the situation; they act as if they aren't bothered by what's going on, but you know that deep down inside they do care. They hide their true feelings, while you're worried and scared for them.
Leaving is a hard thing to deal with, especially when coming back home isn't as simple as it sounds, and you have to work through a lot of things before it can happen. When someone you really care about leaves, it sometimes feels as if you've lost them, maybe even forever.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Words
Feb.11, 2010
NOUNS
1. Ablepharia- a congenital absence of eyelids (partial or complete)
2. Hyperconstitutionalism- constitutional rule or authority.
3. Trombiculidae- a family of mites whose larvae are parasitic to vertebrates and whose nymphs and adults are bright red and live on insect eggs or on microorganisms in the soil.
4. Fratcher- a quarrel; argument; dispute.
5. Spoliation- the act of stripping and taking by force. the act of injuring especially beyond reclaim
ADJECTIVES
1. Unmeteorological- pertaining to meteorology or to phenomena of the atmosphere or weather.
2. Unradiant- emitting rays of light; shining; bright. Bright with joy, hope.
3. Antierosive- serving to erode; causing erosion.
4. Superinnocent- free from moral wrong; without sin; pure, not causing physical or moral injury; harmless, to the highest degree.
5. biochemic- the chemistry of living matter.
VERBS
1. Transfix- to make or hold motionless with amazement, awe, terror. To pierce through with or as if with a pointed weapon.
2. Stigmatizing- to set some mark of disgrace or infamy upon. To mark with a stigma or brand.
3. Expiated- To atone for; make amends or reparation for.
4. Wimple- to cover or muffle with or as if with a wimple.
5. Mottle- to mark with spots or blotches of different color or shades of color as if stained.
NOUNS
1. Ablepharia- a congenital absence of eyelids (partial or complete)
2. Hyperconstitutionalism- constitutional rule or authority.
3. Trombiculidae- a family of mites whose larvae are parasitic to vertebrates and whose nymphs and adults are bright red and live on insect eggs or on microorganisms in the soil.
4. Fratcher- a quarrel; argument; dispute.
5. Spoliation- the act of stripping and taking by force. the act of injuring especially beyond reclaim
ADJECTIVES
1. Unmeteorological- pertaining to meteorology or to phenomena of the atmosphere or weather.
2. Unradiant- emitting rays of light; shining; bright. Bright with joy, hope.
3. Antierosive- serving to erode; causing erosion.
4. Superinnocent- free from moral wrong; without sin; pure, not causing physical or moral injury; harmless, to the highest degree.
5. biochemic- the chemistry of living matter.
VERBS
1. Transfix- to make or hold motionless with amazement, awe, terror. To pierce through with or as if with a pointed weapon.
2. Stigmatizing- to set some mark of disgrace or infamy upon. To mark with a stigma or brand.
3. Expiated- To atone for; make amends or reparation for.
4. Wimple- to cover or muffle with or as if with a wimple.
5. Mottle- to mark with spots or blotches of different color or shades of color as if stained.
My Comments to Friends.
To Aleshia:
Hey Aleshia!
I like your poem a lot. You did a good job with your metaphors, they really do sound like you lol. My favorite line was the one about the cacoon, rough on the outside but beautiful on the inside. It's cute and made me smile. :]
To Katherine:
These are all really good, I'm not sure which one is my favorite. I think I'll have to say it's the last line. "I am Dr. Pepper, with my twenty-seven Different flavors of emotion." I also like the one about the volcano, how it can erupt at any time. I can relate to both of these lol, I like your poem a lot, seems like you put a lot of thought into it :)
Hey Aleshia!
I like your poem a lot. You did a good job with your metaphors, they really do sound like you lol. My favorite line was the one about the cacoon, rough on the outside but beautiful on the inside. It's cute and made me smile. :]
To Katherine:
These are all really good, I'm not sure which one is my favorite. I think I'll have to say it's the last line. "I am Dr. Pepper, with my twenty-seven Different flavors of emotion." I also like the one about the volcano, how it can erupt at any time. I can relate to both of these lol, I like your poem a lot, seems like you put a lot of thought into it :)
"I am me, one of a kind"
I am different, unlike everyone else
I am the color pink, every shade for every different mood
I am a scrible drawn by a three year old; it's not just random lines on paper
I used to be a giggle laughing at everything and anything
I am a puppy who only wants to be loved and feel special
I'm a bouncy ball; gets dropped and doesn't know where it's going; confused
I am chicken noodle soup, sometimes a cure when you're not feeling well
I am a video tape, just blurts out the words and doesn't think
I am wind blowing through the air, just goes with the flow
I am a dead battery, in need of being recharged
I am the tails side of a penny but luck is said to be on the other side
I am the number 99, everyone grabs a friend but I'm the odd one left all alone
I am a sprained ankle walked on without crutches; mess with me I'll break
I am a drum set when I get mad, banging making as much commotion as I can
I am the sun willing to brighten up anyone's day
I am the end of the rainbow, somewhere that's impossible to find
I am a needle in a haystack, lost and waiting to be found
I am a rocking chair, goes back and fourth not sure which way to go
I am a goldfish with a memory of only about three seconds
I am a missing child hoping someone will find me
I am an overcooked marshmallow, about to explode at any time
I am a smile with a cold; contagious
I am a cloud trying not to get in the way of the day being full of sunshine
I am a cell phone ringing at a random time; don't see the consequences just go for it
I am worried, scared, and hurting inside
I am afraid of losing people forever
I am deep, always over thinking everything
I am me, one of a kind
-Christina Tucker
I am the color pink, every shade for every different mood
I am a scrible drawn by a three year old; it's not just random lines on paper
I used to be a giggle laughing at everything and anything
I am a puppy who only wants to be loved and feel special
I'm a bouncy ball; gets dropped and doesn't know where it's going; confused
I am chicken noodle soup, sometimes a cure when you're not feeling well
I am a video tape, just blurts out the words and doesn't think
I am wind blowing through the air, just goes with the flow
I am a dead battery, in need of being recharged
I am the tails side of a penny but luck is said to be on the other side
I am the number 99, everyone grabs a friend but I'm the odd one left all alone
I am a sprained ankle walked on without crutches; mess with me I'll break
I am a drum set when I get mad, banging making as much commotion as I can
I am the sun willing to brighten up anyone's day
I am the end of the rainbow, somewhere that's impossible to find
I am a needle in a haystack, lost and waiting to be found
I am a rocking chair, goes back and fourth not sure which way to go
I am a goldfish with a memory of only about three seconds
I am a missing child hoping someone will find me
I am an overcooked marshmallow, about to explode at any time
I am a smile with a cold; contagious
I am a cloud trying not to get in the way of the day being full of sunshine
I am a cell phone ringing at a random time; don't see the consequences just go for it
I am worried, scared, and hurting inside
I am afraid of losing people forever
I am deep, always over thinking everything
I am me, one of a kind
-Christina Tucker
Monday, February 8, 2010
LISTEN TO THE WORDS OF A CHILD. By Cindy Pike Dunning
LISTEN TO THE WORDS OF A CHILD
Teddy, I've been bad again
My mommy told me so;
I'm not quite sure what I did wrong
But I thought you might know.
When I woke this morning
I knew that she was mad
Cause she was crying awful hard,
And yelling at my dad.
I tried my best to be real good
And do just what she said
I cleaned my room all by myself,
I even made my bed.
But I spilled milk on my good shirt,
When she yelled at me to hurry
And I guess she didn't hear me,
When I told her I was sorry
Cause she hit me awful hard, you see,
And called me funny names;
And told me I was really bad
And I should be ashamed.
When I said "I love you Mommy",
I guess she didn't understand;
Cause she yelled at me to shut my mouth,
Or I'd get smacked again
So, I came up here to talk to you
Please tell me what to do
Cause I really love my mommy,
And I know she loves me, too
And I don't think my mommy means,
To hit quite so hard;
I guess sometimes, grown ups forget
How big they really are
So Teddy, I wish you were real
And you weren't just a bear
Then you could help me find a way
To tell mommies everywhere
To please try to understand
How sad it makes us feel;
Cause the outside pain soon goes a way,
But the inside never heals
And if we could make them listen,
Maybe the'd understand;
So other children just like me
Wouldn't have to hurt again
But, for now, I guess I'll hold you tight,
And pretend the pain's not there.
I know you'd never hurt me,
So goodnight, Teddy Bear...
By Cindy Pike Dunning
I thought that this poem was really touching. It gives you an idea of how an abused child feels from their point of view. All they want is to be loved and cared for, and children don't understand any of what's going on in these situations. The poem says how the outside pain heals but the inside pain never does. This is really true and I know because I have younger siblings that were adopted into my family. I know that the abuse that they went through changed their lives forever; the scars will never really go away.
Teddy, I've been bad again
My mommy told me so;
I'm not quite sure what I did wrong
But I thought you might know.
When I woke this morning
I knew that she was mad
Cause she was crying awful hard,
And yelling at my dad.
I tried my best to be real good
And do just what she said
I cleaned my room all by myself,
I even made my bed.
But I spilled milk on my good shirt,
When she yelled at me to hurry
And I guess she didn't hear me,
When I told her I was sorry
Cause she hit me awful hard, you see,
And called me funny names;
And told me I was really bad
And I should be ashamed.
When I said "I love you Mommy",
I guess she didn't understand;
Cause she yelled at me to shut my mouth,
Or I'd get smacked again
So, I came up here to talk to you
Please tell me what to do
Cause I really love my mommy,
And I know she loves me, too
And I don't think my mommy means,
To hit quite so hard;
I guess sometimes, grown ups forget
How big they really are
So Teddy, I wish you were real
And you weren't just a bear
Then you could help me find a way
To tell mommies everywhere
To please try to understand
How sad it makes us feel;
Cause the outside pain soon goes a way,
But the inside never heals
And if we could make them listen,
Maybe the'd understand;
So other children just like me
Wouldn't have to hurt again
But, for now, I guess I'll hold you tight,
And pretend the pain's not there.
I know you'd never hurt me,
So goodnight, Teddy Bear...
By Cindy Pike Dunning
I thought that this poem was really touching. It gives you an idea of how an abused child feels from their point of view. All they want is to be loved and cared for, and children don't understand any of what's going on in these situations. The poem says how the outside pain heals but the inside pain never does. This is really true and I know because I have younger siblings that were adopted into my family. I know that the abuse that they went through changed their lives forever; the scars will never really go away.
Friday, February 5, 2010
My Life Today
Lately I've realized that we should live life to its fullest. We shouldn't take anything for granted and appreciate what we have. Right now things aren't going the best but there's no point in being sad all the time, so I'm trying to make the best out of the situation. Hopefully a lot more good will come out of this and everything will get better.
I'm doing good in school and I get good grades. I baybsit my little siblings often and I usually don't mind doing it. I recently got my drivers license and have been driving to school. It's nice being able to drive to hangout with friends rather than having my parents drive me around.
I'm doing good in school and I get good grades. I baybsit my little siblings often and I usually don't mind doing it. I recently got my drivers license and have been driving to school. It's nice being able to drive to hangout with friends rather than having my parents drive me around.
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